Feed the Hung(ry)

Being the victim of a few off-the-fucking-richter hangovers as of late, the amount of take-out I've stuffed my face with is probably unhealthy - for both my battered body and battered bank account. I present to you my Top 5 Bad Ass Hangover Feeds.

No.5 - 5am BK Banter
I would not believe you for one moment if you told me you have never found yourself at Burger King counting the last of your change on to the counter for a $5 meal deal at 5am (or if anyone else has never found you doing so, whatever). Not for one moment in time! Hungover, rightly pissed, same same but different. Everyone knows a dirty Rodeo burger or anything of the like from BK is the only legit way to end a Saturday night/Sunday morning (guilty) in town. The trip more often than not ends in flying fries but who's to judge at 5am right?! The jury is still out on whether it's pronounced Row-dee-owe or Row-day-owe. The 5am BK banter at the counter is getting a little too heated, your thoughts?

If this isn't inticing, I don't know what is. The King is back bitches.

No. 4 - The Dirty Bird

Despite the shittiest service on earth (bar the token happy as Larry girl who works at the Ponsonby outlet - you have to know the one I'm talking about), KFC is usually reliable enough to hit the spot come 2pm hangover's D-Day. I'm not a huge fan of the actual chicken on the bone (gross), but a decent snackburger when I can handle it seems to do the trick. Let's be honest though - it's the chips with extra seasoning that gives K-Fried it's pull factor (*unashamed sober dribble*), because afterall I recently found out via FB that the Colonel Sanders was actually not the founder of the 11 top secret original herbs and spices, but in fact a white supremacist. Thank you Emily Andrews.

Dude's clearly hung as fuck.

No. 3 - Mercury Plaza

The number of people you know and see from the night before walking up the Mercs stairs come Sunday morning says something about it's ability to cure hangovers. Most people go for the oh-so-popular Japanese, but I myself often wonder how in the world a shit-load of rice gets rid of a pounding headache. I've noticed Pad Thai is a crowd favourite with some now too though - apparently the extra cashews are essential. All I can think about however is the baby bowl of miso you get from the Japanese place with your meal. Coz mi-so hung! (See what I did there?) Major bonus about Mercs - you can literally roll out of bed and go there not worrying about how bad you look/smell. Close to everyone there on a Sunday is just as hung as you are. You know you've got a problem when you look the worst... But I say cross that bridge when you get to it.

Ummmm, I'm not false advertising because it definitely doesn't look as clean as this photo suggests now, but give me a break, Google images only go so far.

No. 2 - Ponsonby Foodcourt

Ohhhh shiet. The highly controversial Pons Foodcourt. AboutTown voted it's Thai place the best in Auckland once (I get the feeling it was ages ago, but good on you proud mama of the Thai place for keeping the framed article left, right and centre of the counter for this long. I would too). And boy oh boy, was AboutTown right. The only problem you'll face here is deciding what to get. It's always the green curry thing (number 18) vs. tom yum (number 30) for me - yes I know the numbers. Hungover wise, tom yum is usually the winner on the day. I'm not going to lie, I've come to the (oh so significant) conclusion that Pons Foodcourt Thai is only the perfect hangover feed for the kind that keeps you in bed all day and only drags you out when absolutely necessary - around 9pm when you feel you could probably stomach something. And sure, it's controversial only because sometimes the number of people there can be overwhelming on a bad day - a deterrent of all sorts when you look/smell like you should be at Mercs - but it really is worth it.

Another slightly eatass photo, soz boz.

No. 1 - WENDY'S

I'm sorry if this is some kind of anti-climax for you but there is NOTHING like a five dollar hollaaaa - morning, noon or night - when your brain feels like it's about to explode out your ears, your tummy is doing all sorts of weird cirque de soleil shit and flashbacks are haunting your exploding brain. Believe me homeboy, Dave's Meal Deal or whatever they've changed it's name to, knows how to fix you up. It's done the dirty on me a few times - I've been absolutely satisfied and gone jogging an hour later (ha, yeah ok), or I've ended up spewing chunky chips half an hour later (sorry for any visuals this may have just caused) - but I've felt better either way. Not convinced? If a 1L cup/bucket of coke doesn't quench that thirst at least, then you're seriously fucked. Long live the five dollar holla!

Ohhh Dave. All round good cunt.

Ok, just previewed this post and I'm clearly a little too obsessed with food but seriously - you have no idea how bad these hangovers have been. If this has actually been shit and you feel you've wasted your time, then have a laugh at the following vid below. They took down the original clip from YouTube so don't bother with anything after the first song. Earl Okin - Musical Genius & Sex Symbol.